However, it was also a bit of a downer. It's like my body instantly knew the pressure was off, the challenge was met, and it was time to shut down. We had been on a high energy pace for 6 weeks and loved it. Now the walk was over and my body wanted to go into low gear. I found myself a bit depressed and on the verg of tears for the last three days in Spain. Not what I expected. Suddenly I wanted to be beamed up and home instantly. Where did that come from?
We were grateful for a smooth ride home, both flights. Our friend, Mike, was at the curb waiting for us to arrive. The first three to four days we did only what was necessary...getting groceries, doing laundry, eating, sleeping. Jet lag, weariness, foot still hurting - I didn't have much energy.
Then on Friday Andy went out to check on Cedarly and found the place overrun by cars and people...with an estate sale in full swing. We were in shock. We knew this was a possibility, but I think we were in denial. We didn't anticipate it would actually happen. We hadn't heard a word while in Spain. We had dinner with Dwayne and Rita Hanon. They had no idea the sale was going on this weekend either. Our time together was bitter-sweet. They were very anxious to hear about our trip but we were all in pain and grieving over what was happening with Cedarly.
This morning we went to the 8:00 church service at Elmbrook. We never found a Protestant church on The Way. Our only formal church experiences were in Catholic churches and offered in Spanish. It was good to be in our home church, especially at this particular time. It's HarvestFest. For two weeks we host about 20 international pastors for a time of training and encouragement. They were all introduced at the start of the service. Next weekend one third of our own missionaries will be in town from all over the world for a week. It's a big deal and always well done. Os Guiness is the keynote speaker this year.
We have been talking for quite some time about getting involved in missionary care after Cedarly. So we were praying and thinking about this while on The Way. One of the highlights on The Way was meeting and interacting with people from 33 counties. Coming home now was great timing. Next week we will be working with another ministry couple, meeting individually with the missionaries during the week offering friendship, encouragement, and counsel. A new ministry! Exciting stuff! It all fit together...
So, my emotions are still in high alert...up and down for over a week now. The first song we sang in the service was Matt Redman's Blessed Be Your Name. It's one of my favorites and we haven't sung it in months. I felt like we sang it just for me...
Blessed be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be Your Name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk throughout the wilderness
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be Your Name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be You Name
Blessed be Your Name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your Name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of The Lord
Blessed be Your Name
Blessed be the name of The Lord
Blessed be your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your Name
When we got to "You give and take away, You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your Name" I lost it. The tears started streaming down my face...and continued the rest of the song. It was cleansing and encouraging. I really could say, in the midst of all the ups and downs of the past week, Lord, blessed be Your Name. You are in control. You know what is best for me. I can choose to say, Blessed be Your Name! It may not be my choice to experience the death of Cedarly, but in the midst of the pain and grief, Blessed be Your Name. We have some ideas about what might be in store for us in the years ahead. You are in control. You know what is best for us. I can choose to say, Blessed be Your name!
The other song we sang this morning was Chris Tomlin's Everlasting God...another great song of promise and encouragement!
Strength will rise as we wait upon The Lord
We will wait upon The Lord
We will wait upon The Lord
Our God, You reign forever
Our hope, our Strong Deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
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